29 Secrets

We may live in enlightened times, but for most of us, the thought of making the first move on a guy is still frightening. Is this normal? Yes—but there are also things you can feel more comfortable about pursuing your crush. After all, just look at Heidi and Seal: after running into each other at the gym, she asked him out for dinner with friends—and the rest is history.

Here are some tips to help you get going:

Read the signals

Is he making eye contact, unconsciously broadening his shoulders or standing up straighter? In the animal kingdom, this is called preening, and it’s the universal signal for “I am interested.” If you see any of these encouraging signals, be bold and approach him—he’s waiting for you. Remember to smile as you strike up a conversation. If he doesn’t ask for your number or email address, don’t be afraid to offer it to him. What have you got to lose?

Go high-tech

Whether it’s Facebook, email or texting, one of the advantages of technology is that it can be less scary to interact with someone electronically versus face to face.  If you already have his email address or are friends with him on Facebook, try some cyber-flirting before you go for the real thing. If he’s responsive and returns your flirting overtures, he might be open to the real deal. You can casually text him and see if he wants to meet for dinner or a movie. And if he says no, just delete the message and move on.

Find out if you have a mutual interest

You never know what interests you and he might share: it could be bike riding, kite building or beach volleyball. You can find out through Facebook or mutual friends—or maybe just ask him (gasp!). This is a great way to build up to making that first move. You can get to know each other and both be a little more at ease. And if he’s not interested in being with you, you might end up with a good friend—not a bad consolation prize.

Ask him out directly

This isn’t for the shy, but sometimes it’s the best approach. Just walk right up to him and invite him out for coffee, a drink, a walk in the park—it doesn’t matter!  What could be more flattering to him than an attractive woman like you making the first move? The worst he can say is no, and I’m sure he won’t!