29 Secrets

There’s no doubt about it—breaking up hurts. I dated someone for more than five years when I realized we wanted different things from our relationship. After a week of practicing what I had to say, I let go. It was one of the most difficult things I’ve ever had to do, but it was necessary—and as time went on, things got easier.

Let me share with you some tips on how to get over your own breakup:

1. Mourn. That’s right—you need to grieve the end of your relationship. Let yourself feel hurt, sadness, anger, and everything in between. Pent-up emotions can turn into scarier things like depression or vengeance. So let it all out, sister!

2. Get rid of the evidence. I’m talking pictures, clothes and gifts (well, maybe not all gifts—if he gave you diamonds and gold, you may want to hang on to those!). Now you need to dispose of it. You don’t need to arrange a “Burn My Ex’s Stuff” bonfire with your gal pals. If you feel better just putting it all in a box up on the highest shelf in your closet, that’s fine. Keeping reminders in plain sight, however, prevents the heart from healing and stagnates the breakup recovery process.

3. Create a healthier you. You lose a piece of yourself when a relationship isn’t going so well. Take it back! A “healthier you” is when you are at peace physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. Taking up a sport or exercise activity can be beneficial, as can staying busy with your favorite hobbies. Make plans to spend time with supportive friend and family and make an effort to reach out to new people. 

4. Plan a girls’ night out. Reconnect with those fabulous ladies who can remind you of your beauty, intelligence, grace, and all those other attractive qualities you forgot about. A girls’ night out doesn’t just give you the chance to chat about your breakup woes, it also reminds you of what a great catch you are.

5. Do one thing each day for you. Whether it’s allowing yourself to have a can of frosting for breakfast or treating yourself to a new lip gloss, do one thing each day that makes you feel good about yourself. You’ll build up your self-confidence so you can live life to the fullest on your own again.

Note: it’s normal to experience sadness during the initial stages of a breakup, but if you find that your sadness won’t go away, you’ve lost your zest for life or you have thoughts of suicide, get help immediately. Life is hard and there’s no shame in seeking a bit of assistance to help us through the rough patches.