Getting Your Ex Back. Is it Ever a Good Idea?

Getting Your Ex Back. Is it Ever a Good Idea?

Here's 5 reasons why it's not
Comments (4)

Let's be honest here, breakups can leave you feel pretty vulnerable and alone. Whether it’s been a couple weeks, months or a year – we’ve all at some point considered getting back together with an ex. Before you waste any more time Googling ways to get him back let's take a few minutes to talk about why getting back with your getting back with your ex is the worst idea ever:

1. You’re looking at things with rose coloured glasses:
Memory has a funny way of playing tricks on us. The more time passes, the more we tend to idealize the good stuff from a relationship.  Like, that time he bought you flowers. Once. In five years. We block out the ugly stuff like that time he made out with your cousin at a wedding or got so drunk that he peed in your closet. These are the moments that should be burned in your brain with a cattle prod. Write them down. Refer back to them as a reminder of why you broke up in the first place.


2. You’re going to have the same arguments:

Just because you broke up doesn’t necessarily mean you won’t fight about the same stuff that you did when you were together the first time. Also, if you weren’t good at solving your problems by arguing productively when you were together initially (which is probably the case considering you broke up), this isn’t going to change either. Not only will you argue about the old issues, you will most likely have a whole new arsenal of hurt, bitterness and resentment stemming from the break-up.

3. You’re hanging on for the wrong reasons:
There is a very good chance that you have outgrown this relationship, you’re just not ready to admit it. Being alone can be scary. Getting back together with an ex is a quick fix for loneliness. Sure, he does some crappy things (see: peeing in closet) but at least you know what to expect which is better than facing the unknown. Right? Wrong! Instead of moving forward towards someone who will actually make you happy, you’re relegating yourself to relationship purgatory with a guy who didn’t treat you right the first time around.

4:You’re always going to picture the girls he hooked up with while you were apart:
You’re both adults. Most likely you both dated or slept with other people before you got together. However, this didn’t matter so much at the beginning because everything between you was fresh & new. However, now that you’ve broken up once, everything feels different. Whether he hooked up with his co-worker that you swear is a supermodel or had sexy time with the that girl who works at the 7 eleven who always seems to have a mascara goop in the corner of her eye – you’re going to picture “it” and its going to be icky.

5. You’re embarrassed to tell your friends you’re dating again:
If you know your friends will react with dropped jaws, looks of disgust or pained “Seriously, what are you thinking?!” comments, this should be the #1 sign that you shouldn’t get back together with this person. As much as we hate to admit it, the people who love us sometimes know what’s best for us even when we don’t. If you can imagine your friends reacting this way its because they know that this dude is a bad apple. Deep down you know this too. It’s time to woman-up and be honest with yourself – you’ll thank yourself later.

It sounds cliché but it’s called a “break-up” for a reason: because something with the original relationship is broken. It wasn’t working. If you were truly meant to be together, you would still be together. Break-ups are the dating universe’s way of saying, “He’s not the One”.

Comments

Anonymous's picture

I have to disagree with this article! I think some of the reasons people break up, is due to freinds interfering, giving advice and coaxing the break up. Most break ups are legit, which are meant to happen. I find when you have problems, communication can resolve most of them. If your freind is single, they will more than likely give bad advice, causing greif. Society has learned to run from their problems, not resolve them. Nobody is perfect, yet we EXPECT perfection from our spouse. If two people truely love each other, they will resolve the issue. Sometimes a little time apart, makes you realise what you had was great, and maybe it was worth trying to fix, and maybe the advice people give isn't always correct! Certain stages in life, such as the "mid life crisis", "menapause / andropause" can cause emotional stress on a couple, creating unwanted tension, resolting in break ups. Peer pressure from freinds can also cause break ups, as their idea of a perfect guy / girl, may not define your spouse, or what you truely want, resolting in bad advice / brain washing. If you haven't figured out what type of person YOU want in your life, don't waste other peoples time, and don't try for a longterm relationship, just keep dating. As for returning to an ex, sometimes you don't realise the greatness you had, until he or she is gone, and if the two realise it, and know how to resolve the problems, it does work! Not everything is black and white, or set in stone! Sites and comments such as your own, are why we have broken families and divorce! Through the good and the bad, through sickness and in health, if both want to fix it, it will be fixed!!

Anonymous's picture

I agree with the above comment. I admire the commentator's insight and I as a confused "half" myself, I wish to thank him/her for presenting me with another side to the much more often expressed idea of "keep on dating". Getting back together doesnt always have to be a bad idea.

Anonymous's picture

I have to disagree with this article! I think some of the reasons people break up, is due to freinds interfering, giving advice and coaxing the break up. Most break ups are legit, which are meant to happen. I find when you have problems, communication can resolve most of them. If your freind is single, they will more than likely give bad advice, causing greif. Society has learned to run from their problems, not resolve them. Nobody is perfect, yet we EXPECT perfection from our spouse. If two people truely love each other, they will resolve the issue. Sometimes a little time apart, makes you realise what you had was great, and maybe it was worth trying to fix, and maybe the advice people give isn't always correct! Certain stages in life, such as the "mid life crisis", "menapause / andropause" can cause emotional stress on a couple, creating unwanted tension, resolting in break ups. Peer pressure from freinds can also cause break ups, as their idea of a perfect guy / girl, may not define your spouse, or what you truely want, resolting in bad advice / brain washing. If you haven't figured out what type of person YOU want in your life, don't waste other peoples time, and don't try for a longterm relationship, just keep dating. As for returning to an ex, sometimes you don't realise the greatness you had, until he or she is gone, and if the two realise it, and know how to resolve the problems, it does work! Not everything is black and white, or set in stone! Sites and comments such as your own, are why we have broken families and divorce! Through the good and the bad, through sickness and in health, if both want to fix it, it will be fixed!!

Anonymous's picture

I agree with the above comment. I admire the commentator's insight and I as a confused "half" myself, I wish to thank him/her for presenting me with another side to the much more often expressed idea of "keep on dating". Getting back together doesnt always have to be a bad idea.

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