Dear Average Male: How and when to DTR (Define The Relationship)

Dear Average Male: How and when to DTR (Define The Relationship)

We ask a regular dude this dating question
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The most awkward and nerve-wracking part of dating isn’t navigating through the first date or even your first kiss, it’s the Defining The Relationship. So what does the Average Male think about the dreaded DTR conversation? Grant is a single, handsome dude who loves indie music and his dog Girard. He also knows a thing or two about relationships.

Nora says:
For someone who can talk about pretty much anything with pretty much anyone, this is one conversation that always makes feel like my heart is going to beat through my chest. There’s just so much chance involved, so much risk for either party to be disappointed or just embarrassed. Take for example the guy who asked me if he was my boyfriend after 3 seriously awkward dates, or the guy I dated for six months whose answer to “so, are you my boyfriend?” was “are you hungry?” Really, it’s not about the title. It’s about what your relationship means. The healthiest relationships, both romantic and otherwise, are based on being honest about what you want. Unless you’re a 1950s high school girl, you don’t need to wait for a dude to give you his letter jacket and declare you his girlfriend. If you don’t want to see anyone else and you don’t want him kissing other girls on the mouth, then say so. Whether that means you introduce him to your friends as you boyfriend or your gentleman caller is irrelevant if you know that you’re the girl he’s going to take out to dinner with his Red Lobster Gift Card. Am I right?

Grant, our Average Male says:
Sometimes where/how you meet the person defines the kind of relationship you’re in and whether or not DTR-ing is appropriate. Random hook-up while smashed? Maybe hold off until you can remember how you got into the other person’s bed (DUH).

Guys are typically avoidant when it comes to this conversation, but I’m not opposed to a girl bringing it up as long as they’re willing to accept an honest response. Honesty is always the best policy and yes, it can suck if you’re not on the same page (DOUBLE DUH) but if the other person can’t appreciate the truth then I’m not sure they’re really someone I want to date in the first place.

The way I see it, if it’s going well, why is it important to define it? I’m not entirely sure it is for everyone (copout alert). I have friends who have met and been married in a year, and others who are going on 7 years of dating with two break ups in there. Even if I wanted to, I don’t think I would be able to determine if one couple is happier than the other. I like to be on the same page as the other person, but I also realize that there are many different ways of getting there.

Man…it’s tough thinking like the average male. I guess we’re just tough read sometimes…(TRIPLE DUH).

Verdict: A title isn’t as important as building a relationship together, but if it’s that important for you to have a Boyfriend with a capital B, you have that conversation.

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