Can Friends with Benefits Work Out?

sex with your friends

Can Friends with Benefits Work Out?

A look into the status so many men seem to want
Comments (54)

According to statistics, approximately 63% of single men and women are involved in a “Friends with Benefits” relationship. Contrarily, only 26% of people actually believe it can work out. If you are wondering if this is the best option for you, there are several things you should be aware of before hopping into bed with a pal.

People who tend to form friend with benefits relationships are often afraid of intimacy, are more apt to have a jealous nature (which is odd considering the open relationship idea), and tend to lean towards experimentation and multiple partners. They enter these relationships under the veil of it being “safe”, with the idea if things become too emotional they have an easy exit-strategy.

While at first things can go smoothly, there is one issue that comes up 90% of the time: attachment. While sex does not always lead to intimacy, it can often form a feeling of it and can sometimes actually make it occur. This fear of intimacy is often the elephant in the room in these types of relationships, and it is usually the idea that one partner will get more attached that causes a problem in the long run.

While it does seem that women are more likely to get wrapped up emotionally, this is largely dependent on the way a woman approaches a Friends with Benefits relationship, versus the way a man does. Women focus on the friendship, men on the benefits. It takes a certain type of woman to be able to remain emotionally distant, and for most women, they lack the traits needed to keep the relationship up for long.

Men also have the propensity to become attached during a Friend with Benefits agreement, but they are more apt to pull back and run when it comes time to face their feelings. If they wanted the friends with benefits status from the start, it’s likely they are seriously concerned with avoiding any type of commitment.

Signs that they may be becoming attached usually takes form in jealousy and a dominant male body language when out with mixed company. An odd statistic revealed that although men tend to say “She’s more attached”, a survey found that they are often projecting their own feelings and fears about the situation. This is not to say it is always the case! Some men are only after the easy booty! If you want to have a successful “Friends with Benefits” relationship, the key is openness and communication, as well as a strict adherence to a set of mutually agreed upon rules. The most common topics that need to be discussed are:

1) Are you allowed to have multiple partners, or only to sleep with each other
2) Protection
3) Jealousy 
4) Termination agreement

If you currently find yourself debating a Friend with Benefits relationship, keep in mind these statistics. Most men believe there is a 50/50 shot of Friends with Benefits developing into something more, with most seeing the status as a placeholder until something else comes along. There is also only a one in ten chance the relationship will turn into a full romance. One third of these relationships end up stopping the intimacy, yet still remain friends, and one in four ends in the termination of both the friendship and the sex. If that’s a risk you want to take, have fun, but keep in mind there’s a good chance that things can get a bit messy.

 
 

Comments

Anonymous's picture

I have had a FWB relationship with one of my best friends on and off for over ten years. When we're both single, it's an easy, fantastic arrangement. When either of us is dating someone, it's off. We've each even been married and divorced, and this still works.
I'm pretty sure our situation is a rare and freakish occurrence, but thought I'd share that occasionally it works out great. :)

Anonymous's picture

I think FWB can simply be because sex is good. After however many years-months-weeks-or whatever your personal level of tolerance with regards to abstinence may be you hit the point that you NEED sex. And rather than running out and having a dirty hook-up with a potentially disease infected bar-fly you turn you opt for the safer more comfortable alternative of an available friend.
For whatever reason that friend just isn't what you need in a romantic relationship, but that doesn't preclude them from the joys of a not so romantic relationship. It doesn't have to be about relationship hang-ups or personal neurosis. If anything it can be quite liberating to search for a legitimate intimate/romantic relationship without the frustration, confusion and complication of sex muddying the dating waters.
So long as as the FWB remains honest, and terminates prior to the formation of a romantic relationship then it can be a safe way to cope with sexual urges.
Just a thought

Anonymous's picture

I am in this type of "relationship" now and I have developed feelings for my guy. I knew it wasnt right going into it but did need the sex and I have known this guy for 20 years. He is a GREAT guy and I would love for a deeper relationship to develop but dont expect it to. Oh well, thats life. I am having to learn to chaulk this up as a life experience and get over the tears to move on. I do not plan on telling him how I feel at this point because I dont want to jeapordize the friendship that we had FIRST before the sex. I would rather cease the sex, go back to celibacy and keep his friendship than lose it all...

Anonymous's picture

You are deluding yourself. This kind of stuff turns into a learned behavior pattern. If you have multiple partners you will NOT ever find the true one because you can't switch off the "well let's check this one out" habit.
Even if you find the right one after a few arguments or after the "honeymoon phase" is over (and it's shorter for the FWB type)..you'll look around and hurt whatever could have been and, most likely, destroy the trust/bond forever. Then it's back to same old-same old again...only you're older, not much wiser and probably unable to successfully sustain any meaningful relationship.
For every cause there is an effect.

Anonymous's picture

You are deluding yourself. This kind of stuff turns into a learned behavior pattern. If you have multiple partners you will NOT ever find the true one because you can't switch off the "well let's check this one out" habit.
Even if you find the right one after a few arguments or after the "honeymoon phase" is over (and it's shorter for the FWB type)..you'll look around and hurt whatever could have been and, most likely, destroy the trust/bond forever. Then it's back to same old-same old again...only you're older, not much wiser and probably unable to successfully sustain any meaningful relationship.
For every cause there is an effect.

Anonymous's picture

Most people are deluding themselves that want FWB. This kind of stuff eventually turns into a learned behavior pattern. If you have multiple partners you will NOT ever find the true one because you can't switch off the "well let's check this one out" habit so easily. You know, the brain synapses have formed their circuits!
Even if you find the right one, you will find it difficult to keep up the appreciation level for very long. Temptation is always more easy to become reality. You know the routine and how it works. After a few arguments or after the "honeymoon phase" is over (and it's shorter for the FWB type)..you'll most likely "sample other goods" again and hurt whatever could have been and, most likely, destroy the trust/bond forever.
Then it's back to same old-same-old again...only you're older, not much wiser and probably unable to successfully sustain any meaningful relationship without some professional guidance.
So, think it through, practice some perseverance and keep looking for that special person. It's more fulfilling otherwise you wouldn't want to "fill the gap" so quickly ...Right???
For every cause there is an effect.

Anonymous's picture

Even if you find the right one, you will find it difficult to keep up the appreciation level for very long. Temptation is always more easy to become reality. You know the routine and how it works. After a few arguments or after the "honeymoon phase" is over (and it's shorter for the FWB type)..you'll most likely "sample other goods" again and hurt whatever could have been and, most likely, destroy the trust/bond forever.
Then it's back to same old-same-old again...only you're older, not much wiser and probably unable to successfully sustain any meaningful relationship without some professional guidance.
So, think it through, practice some perseverance and keep looking for that special person. It's more fulfilling otherwise you wouldn't want to "fill the gap" so quickly ...Right???
For every cause there is an effect.

Anonymous's picture

FWB's can definitely work out. The only thing is, you two can only be aquaintences-- someone that you would never actually invite over to hang out with one-on-one, unless it was strictly for sex. If there is texting the morning after, it's not going to work out. If you're sending texts "just to say hi", end it immediately. Feelings are involved. Both parties must understand fully what this type of relationship entails. It is strictly attraction. It has to be with someone that you would ever consider dating, or have had thoughts about dating before.

Anonymous's picture

To me, this just shows u have problems with commitment. Obviously you have no idea what u want in a partner, therefore cant hold a marriage, and need to bed hop to fill in the space.

Anonymous's picture

Im in a FWB and have had no issues with it at all. Its been a year and a half, Im not saying feelings don't happen cause they do but they are different feelings, more a close friendship bond. I do agree with many posts on here. Form rules and expectations on what both parties want out of the friendship. Keep it very private. We have several joint friends and not a single one of them know about our special friendship.
I agree it won't work for everyone but it can work for some.

Anonymous's picture

I started a friends with benefits relationship. Ive known the guy for a while and we get along great. Hes always there for me and I can trust him with my life. If you ask me it seems like he cares cause he's always try's to help with problems I'm having. It was his idea to do the friends with benefits he said he isn't looking for a girl friend cause he doesn't want to deal with the drama but i think that having him be my brothers friend might also be part of the reason.I had a little crush on him since the beginning which I know defeats the purpose of friends with benefits. He said that if i ever decided to have sex with someone else to let him know so we could stop having sex. I was kinda hoping he would develop feeling and thought he was. I would always text him almost everyday just to talk and he told me he eventually wanted me to find a boyfriend that will treat me right just not necessarily him. After that I kinda just stopped to care or at least tryed not to have feeling for him. However lately I have stopped texting him and find him texting me now. I know he isn't just using me for sex because we haven't had sex for a while annd he doesn't even bring it up. So can someone give me their opinion do you think he will ever get feelings for me or am I just waiting my time.

Anonymous's picture

I am in a Freinds with benifits situation, I met this guy (x) my freshman year of college, and we kissed one night while he spent the night over. No sex occured, and nothing ever happened again after that night. We never spoke about it. I became friends with very awesome guys, and ended up being in a small relationship with one of them (y). The thing is We All know each other, and as for the guy (y) i had a relationship with he is now gone to arlington. A year later meaning this past november me and guy (x) sort of had to much to drink on my birthday, and well we had sex. We didnt talk about it until, i heard my other guy friends who were dating my girlfriends had questiones them about me and (x). before christmas i texted him agrily asking why he had told the other guys, because it was suppose to be between me and him. Moving on to January i was at this party with a couple a friends, and i texted him. I picked him up, and we talked, and went back to the apartment, and it happened again. This time i didnt so much regreted as the first time. a couple of weeks ago it happened again. I was completely sure that i had no feeling for this guy, and that he didnt have any for me. I say this because after that night we were waiting outside the hospital because a friend broke his nose, and i told him that this was what it was. no feeling, no relationship, just this. But yesterday February 14, 2012, everything got very confusing. He texted me in the mornign, and then began to ask me if i wanted to chill with him that day, i told him i would but later on at night because i had a test. So night came, and he got out of work, and he walked me to my car, like the nigth before, and i took him to his apt. On the way to the apartment, he mention country music, and since when i liked it. I told him i had always liked it, and it the conversation i said well ask anyone, ask (y) <-- the boy his friend whom i had had a relationship with, but i did not think much about it. Whole point we got to his apartment i parked, and he was like "well thanks for the lift," and he caught me off gaurd because in my mind I was more than sure he wanted to hangout that night. Regardless i kept it cool and said i was getting down to visit my frined who had broken his nose. My point here is that i feel so confused now, because i felt something that i cant explain. I am not sure if he got mad at the fact that i mentioned (y) or he just stood me up. Which i dont know why he would do that, but its a possibility. I dreamed about him this past night, but i feel it was because i kept thinking about why he had done that, I guess i just want to know what other people think, i know i wrote an essay but i really really really need someones advice, i would appreciate it.

Anonymous's picture

I think this is what you would call FWB, not sure. I've known this guy for over twenty years, but we were already in relationship with other people. I've liked him from day one but kept it quiet because it wasn't right and never would ruin somebody else's relationship. About a year and half ago, he and his wife got a divorce. Before his divorce, I was visiting a friend at a hospital and he was there to. Somehow he got my number and would text me everyday and he knew I was already in a relationship but said he wanted to be friends. Well, we've been texting constantly daily and if I don't answer he starts to worry. Then months later after his divorce he wanted me to come over and keep him company once a week and that lasted for months but then later one thing led to another. I'm no longer in a relationship with the guy I was with before but am still in contact with the guy Ive been texting for over a year now. We don't text much as before because I mostly go over to his place and spend the nights there 2-3 times. He claims he doesn't want a relationship and I do believe him but sometimes it does feel a little more. We don't see other people but we are free to. We don't go out for he's a homebody and when his kids come over I never bother him when he's with them on the weekends. So,is this a relationship that could be one day or are we just waiting for something else to come along. I don't see him actively seeking someone, to me I think he's comfortable the way things are. Tell me what you all think and thanks.

Anonymous's picture

im considering on starting a friends with benefits relationship with this guy. but i wouldnt call us like close mates, i only recently met him. but we have spoke about it, we said we should try it out.. he got out of a relationship end of last year and me around the same time.. although he texts me like every day and i like it that he does. sometimes hes distant and that bothers me. we set out the rules of no jealousy, we can have sex with others; but we tell eachother. then agree we stay friends afterwards. but when i was egging him on to try and pull someone that weekend, he said no, hes waiting for me. then when we spoke about sleeping with other people, he said to me 'you wont though' .. i replied saying, 'well i best prove you wrong' .. he said 'no, dont do that. ok you will. sorry i always get jealous' .. we havent even started having sex & already it feels weird.. also i went cinema with a mate & he was like did you go with a girl or boy & got abit weird with me.. i dont really know if feelings are involved. but hes obviously told his mates about me, we would be in college and him and his mates will be all like smiling and obviously talking about me.. sometimes vice versa though.. it feels like im back at school having a kiddy romance. i wanna sleep with him and see what happens.. else i will be thinking 'what if' .. but im afraid my feelings will grow into more. and i can't tell if he has feelings, due to jealousy and not wanting me to sleep with other people. but really not sure what to think.. hmm?? we get on so well though..

Anonymous's picture

I split from GF and she suggested FWB, appreciate here that we are both in our mid 40's (but superfit). Now I'd never had sex with anyone I didn't care about, so had to decide after just once that it wasn't right for me.
It may suit others though!

Anonymous's picture

I have been in an fwb relationship for 1 year now and we both agreed what it was in the beginning. Then he moved an hour away and we dont get to see each other as much. I had developed feelings for him and he said he liked me too but wasnt looking for a relationship because he had been hurt too many times before. I told him he wasnt allowed talking, dating or messing around with anyone else as well if he wanted to have a fwb relationship with me. He found out that I was on an online dating profile (the same one he had met me on) and was upset bc he had deleted his profile immediately after we met. Now hes really mad at me bc he agreed to not doing anything with anyone else and he found out I still had that and was texting another guy even though nothing ever happened with this guy. He then proceeds to tell me that he was getting to the point of wanting a relationship with me but he doesnt know now bc he may just want to be friends. So does it sound like I screwed up my chance with progressing into an actual relationship with him? And if he told me he didnt want a relationship with me why is he so upset?

Anonymous's picture

I believe that everyone has a different life.
I met this guy almost three years ago and we started off as a fwb and I never thought I was being used. I enjoyed it and of course I would be hurt because he did not want more up until the moment I told him I wanted more. It was rough ATF ist because when we would talk we would decide to continue fwb but not with anyone else just us. We went to hotels I stayed over his house almost once a month for a week but no more because we lived far from each other. 5 months ago he asked me to be his girlfriend and we are official.
He asked me if he had any plans for marriage and I told him sure. We live daily so it's not such a big problem for us.
Not all fwb suck, some end up good and I'm happy. We had great sex and still do but all we needed was the next step. We went for fwb to relationship and now, we are planning marriage.
Sooo when it's meant to be, it's meant to be. :)

Anonymous's picture

Personally fwb works for some. To my advantage it worked great.
In less than a year we went from friends to fwb to relationship and we are planning marriage.
When you let something go and don't worry about it, it will come if it's meant to be.
I know it doesn't normally happen like this but you know what, if you respect yourself and your man, and even though you are having free sex, you stand your ground for some things, it really shows that you are a strong woman.
I will probably be judged for giving up sex too easily but I don't regret it because even if it would not have ended up this way, I would have liked the sex anyway.
Don't go around having sex with guys though. Just find that he person that you get along with and just go for it. If you want of course

Anonymous's picture

So my mom and brother sent me out with this guy knowing that he was easy and since i had gotten out af a five yr relationship...it had been a while mind you. We hit it off great chemistry, so i prompted a fwb. Well at first he was hesitant never txted until i started showing up at my friends house and he showed up too. Then it all changed he started txting inviting me over letting me stay as long as i wanted...every two weeks has turned into a once a wk thong then he goes and gives me keys to his house, truck and room. He never wants me to leave when its time. This last weekenf he throws it out there not to fall in love with him cause he doesnt want to hurt me...i am in the fwb from hell at times but he is one of the most fun people i have ever met we never fight even after spending
days togetheri cant read this guy at all please help...does he have feelings or am i crazy

Anonymous's picture

I think I am in a FWB situation. I met my guy in October. We were "together" for 1 week then i saw him at a bar with some other chick. of course i was not mad. just wondering... So he apologized and we talked about it the following day. i gave him 2 options. we can never see each-other again and simply go our separate ways. no love lost. or option number 2. We could continue to "see each-other" for only the month of November under the conditions that we only sleep with each-other. Needless to say he picked 2 and we have been sleeping over with each-other everyday since. We spend about 95% of our free time with each-other. We dont always have sex. I know his best friend, he knows mine. I told him i developed feelings for him and i wanted to know what he wants out of the relationship. a few months ago when i told him i was really starting to like him he told me he just didnt want to get into a relationship because there are too many emotions involved. but this time he hasn't said anything. he continues to come over and stay with me after work and chill on the couch. he is more cuddly and plays with me more...i know he gets jealous when i hang out with my guy friends too.. This is still friends with Benefits right? After all hes the one who doesn't want a relationship... i told him he is free to go whenever he wants, just to not come back to me.

Anonymous's picture

I think most people get into a friends with benefits relationship not because they are afraid of commitment, but because they've been burned before and don't want it to happen again. While this is fine and all, the majority of these relationships end so that the two ex-partners can move on to more fulfilling relationships when they're ready. This FWB relationship is just a phase, but an important one to moving on to better things.
Or sometimes they just realize that there's more excitement in having multiple sexual partners (they're right), and want some fun before they settle down. Life's too short after all.
Hey, I would really appreciate if you would comment on my blog as well. It's over at http://www.dirtytalklines.net.

Anonymous's picture

I have had a FWB relationship with one of my best friends on and off for over ten years. When we're both single, it's an easy, fantastic arrangement. When either of us is dating someone, it's off. We've each even been married and divorced, and this still works.
I'm pretty sure our situation is a rare and freakish occurrence, but thought I'd share that occasionally it works out great. :)

Anonymous's picture

I think FWB can simply be because sex is good. After however many years-months-weeks-or whatever your personal level of tolerance with regards to abstinence may be you hit the point that you NEED sex. And rather than running out and having a dirty hook-up with a potentially disease infected bar-fly you turn you opt for the safer more comfortable alternative of an available friend.
For whatever reason that friend just isn't what you need in a romantic relationship, but that doesn't preclude them from the joys of a not so romantic relationship. It doesn't have to be about relationship hang-ups or personal neurosis. If anything it can be quite liberating to search for a legitimate intimate/romantic relationship without the frustration, confusion and complication of sex muddying the dating waters.
So long as as the FWB remains honest, and terminates prior to the formation of a romantic relationship then it can be a safe way to cope with sexual urges.
Just a thought

Anonymous's picture

I am in this type of "relationship" now and I have developed feelings for my guy. I knew it wasnt right going into it but did need the sex and I have known this guy for 20 years. He is a GREAT guy and I would love for a deeper relationship to develop but dont expect it to. Oh well, thats life. I am having to learn to chaulk this up as a life experience and get over the tears to move on. I do not plan on telling him how I feel at this point because I dont want to jeapordize the friendship that we had FIRST before the sex. I would rather cease the sex, go back to celibacy and keep his friendship than lose it all...

Anonymous's picture

You are deluding yourself. This kind of stuff turns into a learned behavior pattern. If you have multiple partners you will NOT ever find the true one because you can't switch off the "well let's check this one out" habit.
Even if you find the right one after a few arguments or after the "honeymoon phase" is over (and it's shorter for the FWB type)..you'll look around and hurt whatever could have been and, most likely, destroy the trust/bond forever. Then it's back to same old-same old again...only you're older, not much wiser and probably unable to successfully sustain any meaningful relationship.
For every cause there is an effect.

Anonymous's picture

You are deluding yourself. This kind of stuff turns into a learned behavior pattern. If you have multiple partners you will NOT ever find the true one because you can't switch off the "well let's check this one out" habit.
Even if you find the right one after a few arguments or after the "honeymoon phase" is over (and it's shorter for the FWB type)..you'll look around and hurt whatever could have been and, most likely, destroy the trust/bond forever. Then it's back to same old-same old again...only you're older, not much wiser and probably unable to successfully sustain any meaningful relationship.
For every cause there is an effect.

Anonymous's picture

Most people are deluding themselves that want FWB. This kind of stuff eventually turns into a learned behavior pattern. If you have multiple partners you will NOT ever find the true one because you can't switch off the "well let's check this one out" habit so easily. You know, the brain synapses have formed their circuits!
Even if you find the right one, you will find it difficult to keep up the appreciation level for very long. Temptation is always more easy to become reality. You know the routine and how it works. After a few arguments or after the "honeymoon phase" is over (and it's shorter for the FWB type)..you'll most likely "sample other goods" again and hurt whatever could have been and, most likely, destroy the trust/bond forever.
Then it's back to same old-same-old again...only you're older, not much wiser and probably unable to successfully sustain any meaningful relationship without some professional guidance.
So, think it through, practice some perseverance and keep looking for that special person. It's more fulfilling otherwise you wouldn't want to "fill the gap" so quickly ...Right???
For every cause there is an effect.

Anonymous's picture

Even if you find the right one, you will find it difficult to keep up the appreciation level for very long. Temptation is always more easy to become reality. You know the routine and how it works. After a few arguments or after the "honeymoon phase" is over (and it's shorter for the FWB type)..you'll most likely "sample other goods" again and hurt whatever could have been and, most likely, destroy the trust/bond forever.
Then it's back to same old-same-old again...only you're older, not much wiser and probably unable to successfully sustain any meaningful relationship without some professional guidance.
So, think it through, practice some perseverance and keep looking for that special person. It's more fulfilling otherwise you wouldn't want to "fill the gap" so quickly ...Right???
For every cause there is an effect.

Anonymous's picture

FWB's can definitely work out. The only thing is, you two can only be aquaintences-- someone that you would never actually invite over to hang out with one-on-one, unless it was strictly for sex. If there is texting the morning after, it's not going to work out. If you're sending texts "just to say hi", end it immediately. Feelings are involved. Both parties must understand fully what this type of relationship entails. It is strictly attraction. It has to be with someone that you would ever consider dating, or have had thoughts about dating before.

Anonymous's picture

To me, this just shows u have problems with commitment. Obviously you have no idea what u want in a partner, therefore cant hold a marriage, and need to bed hop to fill in the space.

Anonymous's picture

Im in a FWB and have had no issues with it at all. Its been a year and a half, Im not saying feelings don't happen cause they do but they are different feelings, more a close friendship bond. I do agree with many posts on here. Form rules and expectations on what both parties want out of the friendship. Keep it very private. We have several joint friends and not a single one of them know about our special friendship.
I agree it won't work for everyone but it can work for some.

Anonymous's picture

I started a friends with benefits relationship. Ive known the guy for a while and we get along great. Hes always there for me and I can trust him with my life. If you ask me it seems like he cares cause he's always try's to help with problems I'm having. It was his idea to do the friends with benefits he said he isn't looking for a girl friend cause he doesn't want to deal with the drama but i think that having him be my brothers friend might also be part of the reason.I had a little crush on him since the beginning which I know defeats the purpose of friends with benefits. He said that if i ever decided to have sex with someone else to let him know so we could stop having sex. I was kinda hoping he would develop feeling and thought he was. I would always text him almost everyday just to talk and he told me he eventually wanted me to find a boyfriend that will treat me right just not necessarily him. After that I kinda just stopped to care or at least tryed not to have feeling for him. However lately I have stopped texting him and find him texting me now. I know he isn't just using me for sex because we haven't had sex for a while annd he doesn't even bring it up. So can someone give me their opinion do you think he will ever get feelings for me or am I just waiting my time.

Anonymous's picture

I am in a Freinds with benifits situation, I met this guy (x) my freshman year of college, and we kissed one night while he spent the night over. No sex occured, and nothing ever happened again after that night. We never spoke about it. I became friends with very awesome guys, and ended up being in a small relationship with one of them (y). The thing is We All know each other, and as for the guy (y) i had a relationship with he is now gone to arlington. A year later meaning this past november me and guy (x) sort of had to much to drink on my birthday, and well we had sex. We didnt talk about it until, i heard my other guy friends who were dating my girlfriends had questiones them about me and (x). before christmas i texted him agrily asking why he had told the other guys, because it was suppose to be between me and him. Moving on to January i was at this party with a couple a friends, and i texted him. I picked him up, and we talked, and went back to the apartment, and it happened again. This time i didnt so much regreted as the first time. a couple of weeks ago it happened again. I was completely sure that i had no feeling for this guy, and that he didnt have any for me. I say this because after that night we were waiting outside the hospital because a friend broke his nose, and i told him that this was what it was. no feeling, no relationship, just this. But yesterday February 14, 2012, everything got very confusing. He texted me in the mornign, and then began to ask me if i wanted to chill with him that day, i told him i would but later on at night because i had a test. So night came, and he got out of work, and he walked me to my car, like the nigth before, and i took him to his apt. On the way to the apartment, he mention country music, and since when i liked it. I told him i had always liked it, and it the conversation i said well ask anyone, ask (y) <-- the boy his friend whom i had had a relationship with, but i did not think much about it. Whole point we got to his apartment i parked, and he was like "well thanks for the lift," and he caught me off gaurd because in my mind I was more than sure he wanted to hangout that night. Regardless i kept it cool and said i was getting down to visit my frined who had broken his nose. My point here is that i feel so confused now, because i felt something that i cant explain. I am not sure if he got mad at the fact that i mentioned (y) or he just stood me up. Which i dont know why he would do that, but its a possibility. I dreamed about him this past night, but i feel it was because i kept thinking about why he had done that, I guess i just want to know what other people think, i know i wrote an essay but i really really really need someones advice, i would appreciate it.

Anonymous's picture

I think this is what you would call FWB, not sure. I've known this guy for over twenty years, but we were already in relationship with other people. I've liked him from day one but kept it quiet because it wasn't right and never would ruin somebody else's relationship. About a year and half ago, he and his wife got a divorce. Before his divorce, I was visiting a friend at a hospital and he was there to. Somehow he got my number and would text me everyday and he knew I was already in a relationship but said he wanted to be friends. Well, we've been texting constantly daily and if I don't answer he starts to worry. Then months later after his divorce he wanted me to come over and keep him company once a week and that lasted for months but then later one thing led to another. I'm no longer in a relationship with the guy I was with before but am still in contact with the guy Ive been texting for over a year now. We don't text much as before because I mostly go over to his place and spend the nights there 2-3 times. He claims he doesn't want a relationship and I do believe him but sometimes it does feel a little more. We don't see other people but we are free to. We don't go out for he's a homebody and when his kids come over I never bother him when he's with them on the weekends. So,is this a relationship that could be one day or are we just waiting for something else to come along. I don't see him actively seeking someone, to me I think he's comfortable the way things are. Tell me what you all think and thanks.

Anonymous's picture

im considering on starting a friends with benefits relationship with this guy. but i wouldnt call us like close mates, i only recently met him. but we have spoke about it, we said we should try it out.. he got out of a relationship end of last year and me around the same time.. although he texts me like every day and i like it that he does. sometimes hes distant and that bothers me. we set out the rules of no jealousy, we can have sex with others; but we tell eachother. then agree we stay friends afterwards. but when i was egging him on to try and pull someone that weekend, he said no, hes waiting for me. then when we spoke about sleeping with other people, he said to me 'you wont though' .. i replied saying, 'well i best prove you wrong' .. he said 'no, dont do that. ok you will. sorry i always get jealous' .. we havent even started having sex & already it feels weird.. also i went cinema with a mate & he was like did you go with a girl or boy & got abit weird with me.. i dont really know if feelings are involved. but hes obviously told his mates about me, we would be in college and him and his mates will be all like smiling and obviously talking about me.. sometimes vice versa though.. it feels like im back at school having a kiddy romance. i wanna sleep with him and see what happens.. else i will be thinking 'what if' .. but im afraid my feelings will grow into more. and i can't tell if he has feelings, due to jealousy and not wanting me to sleep with other people. but really not sure what to think.. hmm?? we get on so well though..

Anonymous's picture

I split from GF and she suggested FWB, appreciate here that we are both in our mid 40's (but superfit). Now I'd never had sex with anyone I didn't care about, so had to decide after just once that it wasn't right for me.
It may suit others though!

Anonymous's picture

I have been in an fwb relationship for 1 year now and we both agreed what it was in the beginning. Then he moved an hour away and we dont get to see each other as much. I had developed feelings for him and he said he liked me too but wasnt looking for a relationship because he had been hurt too many times before. I told him he wasnt allowed talking, dating or messing around with anyone else as well if he wanted to have a fwb relationship with me. He found out that I was on an online dating profile (the same one he had met me on) and was upset bc he had deleted his profile immediately after we met. Now hes really mad at me bc he agreed to not doing anything with anyone else and he found out I still had that and was texting another guy even though nothing ever happened with this guy. He then proceeds to tell me that he was getting to the point of wanting a relationship with me but he doesnt know now bc he may just want to be friends. So does it sound like I screwed up my chance with progressing into an actual relationship with him? And if he told me he didnt want a relationship with me why is he so upset?

Anonymous's picture

I believe that everyone has a different life.
I met this guy almost three years ago and we started off as a fwb and I never thought I was being used. I enjoyed it and of course I would be hurt because he did not want more up until the moment I told him I wanted more. It was rough ATF ist because when we would talk we would decide to continue fwb but not with anyone else just us. We went to hotels I stayed over his house almost once a month for a week but no more because we lived far from each other. 5 months ago he asked me to be his girlfriend and we are official.
He asked me if he had any plans for marriage and I told him sure. We live daily so it's not such a big problem for us.
Not all fwb suck, some end up good and I'm happy. We had great sex and still do but all we needed was the next step. We went for fwb to relationship and now, we are planning marriage.
Sooo when it's meant to be, it's meant to be. :)

Anonymous's picture

Personally fwb works for some. To my advantage it worked great.
In less than a year we went from friends to fwb to relationship and we are planning marriage.
When you let something go and don't worry about it, it will come if it's meant to be.
I know it doesn't normally happen like this but you know what, if you respect yourself and your man, and even though you are having free sex, you stand your ground for some things, it really shows that you are a strong woman.
I will probably be judged for giving up sex too easily but I don't regret it because even if it would not have ended up this way, I would have liked the sex anyway.
Don't go around having sex with guys though. Just find that he person that you get along with and just go for it. If you want of course

Anonymous's picture

So my mom and brother sent me out with this guy knowing that he was easy and since i had gotten out af a five yr relationship...it had been a while mind you. We hit it off great chemistry, so i prompted a fwb. Well at first he was hesitant never txted until i started showing up at my friends house and he showed up too. Then it all changed he started txting inviting me over letting me stay as long as i wanted...every two weeks has turned into a once a wk thong then he goes and gives me keys to his house, truck and room. He never wants me to leave when its time. This last weekenf he throws it out there not to fall in love with him cause he doesnt want to hurt me...i am in the fwb from hell at times but he is one of the most fun people i have ever met we never fight even after spending
days togetheri cant read this guy at all please help...does he have feelings or am i crazy

Anonymous's picture

I think I am in a FWB situation. I met my guy in October. We were "together" for 1 week then i saw him at a bar with some other chick. of course i was not mad. just wondering... So he apologized and we talked about it the following day. i gave him 2 options. we can never see each-other again and simply go our separate ways. no love lost. or option number 2. We could continue to "see each-other" for only the month of November under the conditions that we only sleep with each-other. Needless to say he picked 2 and we have been sleeping over with each-other everyday since. We spend about 95% of our free time with each-other. We dont always have sex. I know his best friend, he knows mine. I told him i developed feelings for him and i wanted to know what he wants out of the relationship. a few months ago when i told him i was really starting to like him he told me he just didnt want to get into a relationship because there are too many emotions involved. but this time he hasn't said anything. he continues to come over and stay with me after work and chill on the couch. he is more cuddly and plays with me more...i know he gets jealous when i hang out with my guy friends too.. This is still friends with Benefits right? After all hes the one who doesn't want a relationship... i told him he is free to go whenever he wants, just to not come back to me.

Anonymous's picture

I was in FWB on and off, and it wasn't a good idea. There's this guy I known since high school, and we been good friends. Also, I did like him at certain times. We started the FWB thing about 2 years ago, it went well until he was acting strange. We usually text each other almost everyday, and then he stopped. I was wondering what's going on with him until I found out he was in the relationship. I got hurt from that and I couldn't understand why he would do that. My friends told me that he's just using me as a rebound, but I didn't want to believe it because I know I couldn't handle the truth. It's not until I found out the second time he done it, and I was very mad about it. I wanted to tell him so bad what he has done, but I hate fighting with him, so I let it slide this time.
So recently, he talked to me about what we are, and I was like I don't know, but I knew were FWB because all we do is have sex, no relationship. I didn't tell him that were FWB because I don't want to be that, so I told him that there's some attachment going on like feelings and such. He was like what are you talking, and I knew that he wasn't interested being with me. So I learn to accept that just let him go, he doesn't want nothing from me but sex.
It's hard to accept the truth because you think everything will work, but really it's not. I regretted for liking him cause I've been wasting my time focusing on him, not with other guys. My advice to all the people who have experience this, tell each other about this relationship like is this entertaining or is this breaking your heart. Every FWB relationship are different, some are good and some are bad. The pros for this is the pleasure and having someone to be close with and the cons for this is getting hurt, jealousy, and possibly losing a friend. I hate losing someone but it's only for the best so you won't get hurt again. Just sharing out my experience.

Anonymous's picture

Ok so im in a fwb situation also and ive been good friends with him for awhile before we started this, I was in a relationship with a different guy and we would all hang out. That ended, and this guy prompted the fwb...its been going on for 6 weeks or so now, and im in a crazy situation bc of my ex so my "friend" offered to let me live with him...we have fun, I take him to work almost everyday, he spends $ on me, we have sex, and he has kissed in front of his sis and her bf along with his friend. Hes told me he loves my kisses, and when he was drunk said outloud infront of his sis and bf tht he was falling in love with me. We are together 99% of the time. Lastnite we went swimming alone and there were other men around flirting and he became jealous and wanted to leave. After that we were drinking and he grabbed my hand said he loved me......(paused) and added "as a friend". What does tht mean? Also, we cuddle almost every nite, his son says he likes me, and he has layed out a blanket under the stars and we laid there watching the stars for crying out loud...mixed signals..yea it sucks but is so great...help!

Brandon's picture

f*** off and you do, she/he might text you back later.) use past experiences to help you, show that you rmbeemer time spent together and then STOP, HALT. Right here decide will you ask her/him to be friends with benefits or do you have deeper feelings because then you need to talk more and start a more meaningful relationship. If you are still looking for FWB relation then hello again. You need to probably meet with them and let things happen and then lay down the big question Am I not just the greatest? , just kidding you need to talk a bit then say Would you like to meet more often then not and make this a regular thing , if yes then say, Alright I would say we are friends so why not make this a FWB deal if she says no then STOP, HALT. This is not the end of the world maybe she just doesn't want to label the situation, if so say Im sorry, was it the FWB label? If so we can just call it a friendship . Now from here on out it only gets more difficult, sorry to say. Seriously you need to be carful with emotions, people finding out, and especially your partners emotions. This is a long enough post but from my experience these relations can work from long periods of time and multiple at a time (but better honest with all of them [tell them if you have other FWB] because if not, it will ruin things). Also all of the talking in quotes will go better in person, than texting if at all possible, then there is not an awkward (when you ponder oh sh*t should I have said that) delay. Peace and good luck with all and any types of relationships.

Cici's picture

Really? Wow, that's a long time. Have u ever felt a deeper connection like u guys just end up together no matter what, that maybe it's "meant to be"? Just curious bc I've only had a fwb for 2 1/2 years. Both of us have feelings but neither of us want to settle down as yet, it's usually me looking else where not him, I think he has more feeling for me than I do for him. But even tho I always feel we go in circles and just end up with each other and each time there's a stronger connection. To top that all off we've only been on one date. :-/

Jill's picture

It is possible that what he did that night by leaving you in the car could mean many things. Maybe he had a bad day. Maybe he some feelings too and wants to treat you better but was feeling conflicted because he was also fighting his sexual urges. Maybe he is afraid that it is becoming something more than just hookups and that scares him or he does not want that.

You developed strong feelings for him after sex because you are a woman. The bonding hormones are 100x stronger for women than for men after sex. He may have some little feelings for you but is unsure. Trust me, if the guy wants you, he will come after you. If I were you, I would try to avoid sleeping with this or any other guy with whom you have not had a secure relationship for a while.

I understand. We are women and become very vulnerable and attached with sex. Most males do not understand that or they understand that and do not mind taking advantage of the opportunity. Their mentality is usually "I want it. She gave it. If she wanted something more than sex, she should have thought of that before sleeping with me".

To me, this guy did not treat you right. He had random sex with you three times and did not even ask you out on a normal date. He may have feelings for you and be able to treat you right in the future, but there is only one way to find out. First, you have to make it unacceptable to treat you as a booty call. Stop being available all the time (have a busy life and make him schedule dates 2 or 3 days in advance), stop having sex with him, and stop "hanging out" alone with him in his house or it will lead to sex. Only accept real dates other than just "hanging out"; it does not need to be expensive or cost any money but he should take you somewhere or show you something nice. Stop calling him, texting him, writing him. Wait for him to call you. You can even tell him in a nice way that since he invited you to hang out that night and saw him in the car only and this made you feel confused and you wish you could have spent more time with him that day. If he likes you and can treat you right, he will call you and set up normal dates and a relationship. Otherwise, you will always stay a booty call. It is sad that the world is this way and people cannot be sincere in action, but this is how you have to protect your emotional side as well as your physical side.

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